Protecting Teens in Electronic Networks

Written by Julie Fiddler

This article is courtesy of Living with Teenagers.

It’s common knowledge that social networking sites are under intense scrutiny by parents, the government, and the media. It’s also no secret that this is not a new problem. A 2006 article from Wired.com, aptly titled “MySpace Faces A Perp Problem,” points out exactly what makes this site, and similar sites, a dangerous haunt: “A 22-year-old man in San Francisco comes off as a typical college student on MySpace®, professing a love for beat poetry, nature and obscure coffee house bands. His profile doesn’t mention that he’s a convicted child molester.”

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For many teens, the draw of these sites corresponds to their ability to present the world as they want it to be—not as it is. Behind the secrecy of a computer screen, teens can become almost anyone they choose. The friendless loner can be a cool sports enthusiast with 500 friends. The chubby girl with low self-esteem can edit photos to make herself look thinner, find a cute background, and present herself as a popular beauty queen that nobody can resist getting to know.

Unfortunately, kids are not the only ones creating new personas. The same features that attract kids to social networking also attract predators. In 2007, MySpace located and deleted the profiles of 29,000 registered sex offenders. According to recent statistics, the site has more than 110 million users, while Facebook® boasts 61 million active users. In an environment where sex offenders can profile themselves as average, law-abiding citizens, one can’t even begin to guess the true number of pedophiles lurking in virtual environments.

A January 2008 article on FoxNews.com detailed the new security measures MySpace has agreed to enact. In the article, New York investigators said they set up user profiles as 12- to 14-year-olds and were quickly contacted by users looking for sex.

The danger is very real—and very near.

Who Is Looking Out For Our Kids?
Just what are the new safety measures that MySpace has put in place? For one, all users under the age of 16 will automatically have private profiles that no one can view unless specifically invited by the user. Additionally, users that are 18 or over cannot add anyone younger than 16 as a friend without a last name or e-mail address. They also have launched new technology that detects links to pornography sites. When people click on the pornography links, the technology immediately directs them back to MySpace’s homepage.

MySpace also says it is creating a database where parents can submit children’s e-mail addresses to prevent them from setting up profiles. Unfortunately, until such a database is in place, children can simply change their birthdates to make it look like they are older. And for Internet-savvy youngsters, getting around a database could be as easy as creating an e-mail account that is hidden from Mom and Dad.

Experts seem to agree on one thing: the best line of defense is awareness. This means getting personally involved in your kids’ Internet activities. One mother described how her teens were irate when she taught herself how to use MySpace and signed up for an account of her own. They complained that by her adding them as friends, they had no privacy.

That, she says, was exactly what she had in mind. The Internet is not like listening in on your daughter’s phone calls. These sites are like shark-infested waters, and children who are not yet old enough to make fully mature decisions are floating around like fresh bait. Best to jump in the water and teach yourself how to swim.

It’s Not All Bad
While there are horror stories to tell, social networking sites also have their benefits. The majority of the time, students are keeping in touch with classmates and others who share similar interests. A simple search of MySpace yields dozens of Christian teen discussion groups where students give each other spiritual advice and develop godly friendships. Many youth and youth leaders use sites like Facebook to share announcements and inspiration with their friends and students.

These sites also serve as hubs for music lovers who want to keep up with their favorite artists, find tour dates, and so forth. The same is true of actors, authors, and virtually any other group of notables. Social sites can be a place to learn more about hobbies and future careers, as well.

The Internet can be a fun, interactive place where kids can grow, explore, and be social butterflies. Just keep in mind that amid the fun connectivity of social networking, some evil does seek to take advantage of that growth and exploration.

Learn everything you can about your teen’s online life and never stop learning. The key to keeping kids safe is an ongoing virtual education.

Julie Fidler is the author of Adventures in Holy Matrimony: For Better or the Absolute Worst (Relevant Books). She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband, Scott.

Article on Parenting Vs. Mentoring...what's the difference??

PARENT POINTERS: Parenting vs. Mentoring (What's the Difference?)

Jeannie Campbell

October 1, 2009

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." - Proverbs 22:6

There comes a time in every parent's life when he or she must accept one unalterable fact: children grow up.

Yes, it varies child by child, but there comes a time when a parent's role is to step back and help them discover independence. One of the best ways to do this is to transition from parenting to mentoring while the child is still in the house.

In other words: to let go.

Parents, by necessity, take on a huge training role. They potty-train a child and teach them how to dress and bathe themselves. They establish rules and help the child understand them. They usher them into the world of academics, instilling in them values of hard work and honesty. They make themselves available to teach the difference between meaningful relationships and fair-weather friends.

A mentoring parent, however, has a different role. A parental mentor is more like a consultant or advisor, always available for direction and guidance, or like a confidante to approach when no one else is trustworthy or understanding. They give less instruction and listen more. They allow children to figure out for themselves how things are rather than tell them outright. They take a "wait and see" approach rather than an "act now, think later" strategy.

Perhaps this can best be illustrated with two examples.

Shelly grew up in a loving home with parents who invested time with her to teach her about life. She enters high school and develops a friendship with Emma, a girl Shelly’s parents don’t approve of because they heard what Emma did to another girl in the school. Shelly’s parents express their disapproval but allow Shelly to keep Emma’s friendship while they observe from a distance. Shelly comes home one evening in tears because she’s learned that Emma was only using her to get in close with Shelly’s guy friend, Jason. Shelly’s parents let her cry and don’t give her an "I told you so" speech. Instead, they ask Shelly what she learned from cultivating Emma’s friendship.

Pauline grew up in a loving home with parents who invested time with her to teach her about life. She enters high school and develops a friendship with Denise, a girl Pauline’s parents don’t approve of because they heard what Denise did to another girl in the school. Pauline’s parents not only express their disapproval, but they forbid Pauline to be friends with Denise. They monitor her cell phone calls, facebook page, and email to make sure Pauline is keeping up her end of their bargain. While Pauline is away at college, though, she meets a girl who reminds her of Denise and they strike up an immediate friendship away from the prying eyes of Pauline’s parents.

No doubt about it. Teens present a challenge. They aren't fully grown, but aren't children either. Even though it's difficult to tamp down our protective instincts, it's better for a teen to make their mistakes while they are still under the wing of mentoring parents. When a child makes their own discoveries instead of simply being told what to do, the lessons they learn stick better and have lasting effects.