Teenagers are like porcupines

I was meeting with a parent the other day and we were talking about her daughter. She was expressing the frustration with a teenage girl who seemed to be pushing her away at every turn. After listening for a while this statement came out of my mouth..."teenagers are like porcupines...deep down they want you to hold them and tell them that everything is going to be alright but every time you try you get stuck by their sharp spines." We both had a little laugh over it, but as I thought about the relationships I have with different teens, it is totally accurate.

I think as parents and youth leaders we really need to approach teenagers understanding this fact. It's not that they don't want to be touched deep down where their hearts are. It's just that with all of the hormonal changes, environmental factors and growth stuff happening, they develop these spines that make it nearly impossible to get to the heart without getting stuck. I get stuck all the time...by bad attitudes, walls they put up to keep adults out, teenage drama, misplaced sarcasm, and awkward looks. I honestly don't think any of those things means "keep out"...I think what it means is that I have to try harder to connect. I think it means that I have to study them, like I would look at a porcupine that I might want to touch, so I can see the places where the spines aren't so sharp or close together. And over time, the spines tend to get more and more dull and I can speak more and more into their lives without getting stuck by any of those things I mentioned.

I'm not sure that those spines ever go away. I know that I still have some and I'm 32 years old. But I think as we really get to know our kids and are persistent in the way we love them (relentless pursuit, just like God pursues us), we learn to navigate the sticky parts and are able to get close again.